We Heal in Connection: Why Community Matters After Complex Trauma

By Michelle Nosrati, LCSW | EMDR Therapist in California & Nevada

One of the most painful effects of trauma—especially complex trauma from childhood—is how it shapes our ability to feel safe in relationships. When you grow up in a home where love was inconsistent, boundaries were crossed, or emotions were ignored or punished, your nervous system learns that connection is risky.

For many trauma survivors, the result is loneliness. Not just social isolation, but a deeper feeling of being fundamentally different, unsafe around others, or unsure how to truly belong. The very thing we need to heal—safe, supportive relationships—can also feel like the hardest thing to trust.

That’s why healing from trauma isn’t just about therapy. It’s about community.

As a trauma therapist, I specialize in helping adults heal from the lasting effects of emotional neglect, relational abuse, and complex PTSD. I use evidence-based practices like EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help clients reprocess painful memories and shift the limiting beliefs that trauma often leaves behind—like “I’m not enough” or “I can’t trust anyone.”

But even as we do this deep work in therapy, one truth remains: We don’t heal in isolation. We heal in connection.

Why Community Support Is Essential for Healing Complex Trauma

Trauma—especially developmental or complex trauma—creates relational wounds. It wires the nervous system to expect danger in connection and rejection in vulnerability. That wiring doesn’t shift just through insight. It changes through new experiences in safe relationships.

Being part of a healing community—whether that’s group therapy, support circles, or peer-led fellowships—offers a different kind of medicine. It allows trauma survivors to feel seen, mirrored, and understood in ways individual therapy alone can’t always reach.

The Role of Boundaries and the Challenge of Reconnection

Setting strong boundaries is a crucial step in healing from emotionally abusive relationships. Many survivors of complex trauma must distance themselves from unhealthy people to begin healing. This self-protection is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

However, when emotional safety depends only on isolation, we can become unsure how to reconnect. The longer we spend protecting ourselves, the harder it can be to tell who is emotionally safe. We may question our instincts, feel anxious around intimacy, or assume closeness will always lead to harm.

This is where trauma-informed community spaces become essential. They give us a place to practice connection again, gradually and on our own terms. With the right support, survivors can build trust—first in others, and then in themselves.

ACA: A Peer-Led Support Group for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families

One supportive space I often recommend is ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). ACA is a 12-step fellowship for people who grew up in homes with addiction, emotional neglect, control, or chaos. You don’t need to have had an alcoholic parent to belong—many find ACA helpful for healing from childhood trauma, especially in emotionally unsafe family systems.

ACA focuses on reparenting, emotional sobriety, and building tools for inner child healing. It helps people learn how to form healthy relationships—starting with the one they have with themselves.

Many survivors of narcissistic abuse or emotional neglect feel isolated in their experiences. Loved ones may not understand the subtle dynamics or invisible wounds. ACA provides something powerful: a room full of people who get it. The group doesn’t offer advice or fixing—just presence, honesty, and shared growth.

You don’t have to speak right away. Many members listen for weeks before sharing. And that’s okay—just hearing your story reflected back by others can be deeply healing.

A helpful rule of thumb I share with clients: Try at least 5 to 10 meetings—different locations, times, or formats—before deciding if ACA is a good fit. Like therapy, each group has its own dynamic, and it’s worth exploring to find the one that feels safe and supportive.

You can learn more or find an in-person or virtual meeting at:
www.adultchildren.org

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

If you've spent most of your life relying on yourself, that’s not a flaw—it’s a trauma response. Hyper-independence was your survival strategy. But healing often asks us to let others in, just a little at a time.

If you're ready to start your healing journey, therapy can be a powerful first step. And if you're open to exploring peer-led trauma recovery groups like ACA, they can offer the kind of deep understanding and emotional repair many of us never received growing up.

You don’t have to figure it out alone. There is support, there is healing—and you deserve both.

Curious whether EMDR is the right next step for your healing journey?
I offer virtual EMDR therapy to adults throughout California and Nevada, with a focus on trauma recovery, nervous system healing, and lasting change.

📍 Learn more or schedule a consultation at: www.MyEMDRLA.com

Michelle Nosrati, LCSW
Trauma Specialist | EMDR Therapist
Licensed in California & Nevada
Secure Telehealth Services Available
www.MyEMDRLA.com