Why We Want Therapy… and Also Sometimes Don’t
There’s a very real experience that comes up for so many people in therapy:
you genuinely want to heal, you believe in therapy, and you know it helps — and yet some days you feel a strong pull to cancel, avoid, or shut down.
If this happens to you, you’re not doing anything wrong.
There’s actually a good reason for it.
Most of the time, that “I don’t want to go” feeling is coming from a protective part of you — a part that learned a long time ago that staying guarded was safer than opening up.
Therapy Can Feel Like a Threat to Parts of You That Learned to Survive
When you walk into therapy, you’re doing something your nervous system might not be totally on board with yet. You’re slowing down, getting honest, touching feelings you’ve pushed away, and letting someone see the real you.
Even if the adult part of you wants that, another part may still be carrying old messages like:
“If I open up, I’ll be too much.”
“If I feel this, I won’t be able to handle it.”
“If I let someone in, I’ll get hurt again.”
“If I let go of control, something bad will happen.”
These beliefs come from experience — usually early ones.
They were created by moments when you didn’t have support, so your system had to take care of itself the only way it knew how.
So when therapy starts tapping into those old pathways, your protective parts do what they’ve always done: try to keep you safe.
Protective Parts Aren’t the Enemy — They’re Trying to Help
When someone tells me, “I almost didn’t come today,” I don’t see it as resistance.
I see it as a part of them showing up that’s just trying to protect them from pain.
These parts can look like:
shutting down
going numb
talking themselves out of needing help
wanting to stay busy instead of feeling
minimizing what they’re going through
convincing themselves they’re “fine”
These patterns are incredibly common. And they make sense — especially for adults who grew up without emotional safety.
What Therapy Does With These Parts
In therapy, we don’t push these parts away.
We make space for them and understand their role.
With EMDR and other trauma-focused work, we teach your system that:
you’re not in danger anymore
you don’t have to handle everything alone
you can feel things and still stay grounded
you get to have support now
When those protective parts start to trust that you’re safe, the urge to avoid therapy naturally softens. Sessions start to feel less threatening and more relieving. You begin to notice that showing up for yourself feels good instead of scary.
If you feel torn about therapy, you’re not alone.
Most people aren’t fighting themselves — they’re just navigating old survival strategies that were incredibly intelligent at the time.
Your system is simply doing what it learned to do to protect you.
If you ever feel that push-pull, try pausing and asking:
What part of me is showing up right now?
What is it scared of?
What does it need to feel safe?
That gentle curiosity can shift everything.
Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to “just go.”
It’s about understanding the parts of you that are scared — and helping them feel supported, not silenced.
Curious whether EMDR is the right next step for your healing journey?
I offer virtual EMDR therapy to adults throughout California and Nevada, with a focus on trauma recovery, nervous system healing, and lasting change.
📍 Learn more or schedule a consultation at: www.MyEMDRLA.com
Michelle Nosrati, LCSW
Trauma Specialist | EMDR Therapist
Licensed in California & Nevada
Secure Telehealth Services Available
www.MyEMDRLA.com