What Does Trauma Look Like When It’s Not Obvious?
When we hear the word trauma, most people imagine something big or dramatic—an accident, a natural disaster, or an act of violence. But the truth is, trauma doesn’t always look like that.
Sometimes, trauma hides in plain sight.
It can show up in the high-achiever who’s constantly busy because slowing down feels unsafe.
In the person who’s always accommodating others but struggles to name their own needs.
In the adult who doesn’t remember anything “that bad” from childhood—but still feels a lingering sense of unease, emptiness, or never being “enough.”
This is what I often call high-functioning trauma—where someone might look like they have it all together on the outside but feel disconnected, anxious, or overwhelmed inside.
Signs of Subtle or “Hidden” Trauma
Here are some common ways unresolved trauma shows up in everyday life:
Perfectionism – Feeling like you can’t mess up or let your guard down, as if your worth depends on getting it “right” all the time.
People-pleasing or fawning – Saying yes when you want to say no, avoiding conflict, and shaping yourself around others to feel safe.
Numbness or disconnection – Feeling checked out, spaced out, or like you're moving through life on autopilot.
Chronic overthinking or anxiety – Constantly scanning for what might go wrong or trying to control everything around you.
Difficulty relaxing or resting – Feeling guilty when you slow down, or like your nervous system never really lets you exhale.
These are often survival strategies—protective responses your body and mind developed to help you stay safe when something didn’t feel safe in the past.
Trauma Doesn’t Have to Be “Big” to Be Valid
Trauma isn’t just about what happened to you. It’s also about how your nervous system experienced it—especially if you felt helpless, alone, or emotionally overwhelmed. That’s why experiences like emotional neglect, chronic criticism, or growing up in a home where you had to walk on eggshells can deeply impact how you relate to yourself and others today.
(If you want to dive deeper into this, check out my blog on Polyvagal Theory or How Trauma Affects Boundaries.)
Healing Is Possible
The good news is, trauma isn’t a life sentence. With the right support, your nervous system can learn that it’s safe to rest, to connect, to be seen. Therapy—especially trauma-informed approaches like EMDR—can help bridge the gap between what you know and what you actually feel.
You don’t need to have a dramatic story to deserve healing. If something inside you feels stuck, off, or exhausted from holding it all together—trust that. That’s enough of a reason to explore what’s really going on.
Michelle Nosrati, LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker | Trauma & EMDR Therapist | Los Angeles, CA
Helping adults heal from trauma, anxiety, and complex PTSD across California & Nevada
Interested in EMDR—and how to shift them? Schedule a consultation today.