7 Red Flags: Are You Dating a Narcissist?
Dating someone new can feel exciting—especially when they seem confident, charming, and attentive. That initial chemistry can be disarming. In fact, many people dating a narcissist describe the beginning as one of the most romantic and flattering experiences of their lives.
But here’s the catch: narcissistic traits don’t always show up all at once. Instead, they tend to surface gradually. Early on, you might only notice subtle moments—an offhand comment, a small lie, or a shift in tone. Over time, those “moments” often escalate into consistent patterns that leave you feeling drained, confused, or questioning yourself.
Here are seven red flags to be mindful of—and how they may slowly reveal themselves:
1. Love Bombing
They sweep you off your feet with dramatic gestures, constant texts, and declarations like “I’ve never felt this way before.” While it feels intoxicating, it often pushes the relationship forward faster than feels natural. Later, the intensity may fade, leaving you chasing the high of their early attention.
2. Lack of Empathy
At first, they may brush off your feelings with a small shrug. Over time, that escalates into outright dismissal: “You’re overreacting” or “You’re too sensitive.” What begins as subtle disregard becomes a pattern that leaves you feeling invisible.
3. Excessive Need for Validation
What might look like confidence at first can grow into constant fishing for compliments. Conversations keep circling back to them, and if you don’t provide enough admiration, they may sulk, withdraw, or guilt you.
4. Gaslighting
In the early stages, it might sound like: “That’s not what I said.” Eventually, it escalates into repeated denial of your reality—insisting you misremember things, until you begin doubting your own memory and perception.
5. Isolation Tactics
At first, “I just want you all to myself” sounds romantic. But soon, they complain about your friends, criticize your family, or guilt you for spending time with others. Over time, you may find yourself increasingly cut off from your support system.
6. Blame Shifting
It might start with: “I was late because you didn’t remind me.” Later, every conflict becomes your fault. If they lose their temper, it’s because you “pushed them.” If something goes wrong, you’re “too demanding.” Slowly, you end up apologizing for things that aren’t yours to carry.
7. Entitlement
Initially, it might look like wanting the best table or joking about “VIP treatment.” Over time, it becomes an expectation of special treatment everywhere they go—and anger when things don’t go their way. Boundaries or limits often trigger resentment or rage.
Why These Red Flags Escalate?
These behaviors usually don’t appear all at once. They begin subtly, hidden behind charm and charisma. By the time the patterns are obvious, you may already feel deeply invested—or even dependent—making it harder to step away.
That’s why noticing the early signs matters. Dating should feel safe, mutual, and respectful. If something feels “off,” even in small ways, trust your instincts.
What to Do If You Notice These Signs?
If you’re starting to recognize these behaviors, here are a few steps to support yourself:
Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, you don’t need more proof. Your intuition matters.
Reach out for support. Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can help you reality-check your experiences.
Set boundaries early. Healthy partners will respect them; unhealthy ones will push against them. That response tells you a lot.
Don’t minimize the impact. Even “subtle” red flags can take a toll on your emotional well-being.
Seek professional help if needed. Therapy—especially trauma-focused approaches like EMDR—can help rebuild your self-trust and heal the effects of gaslighting, blame, and emotional manipulation.
If you feel unsafe or are experiencing abuse, know that support is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit www.thehotline.org for confidential help, available 24/7.
Awareness is the first step toward breaking unhealthy cycles and protecting your emotional health. You deserve relationships that make you feel safe, seen, and valued—not diminished.
If you notice these patterns and want support in healing, know you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Curious whether EMDR is the right next step for your healing journey?
I offer virtual EMDR therapy to adults throughout California and Nevada, with a focus on trauma recovery, nervous system healing, and lasting change.
📍 Learn more or schedule a consultation at: www.MyEMDRLA.com
Michelle Nosrati, LCSW
Trauma Specialist | EMDR Therapist
Licensed in California & Nevada
Secure Telehealth Services Available
www.MyEMDRLA.com